melicacy

i’m soo addicted to nasi lemak, that’s my only motivation to go to school in the mornings! (the stall only sells nasi lemak in the mornings)
i usually just buy the nasi lemak rice with chilli at the side and fry my own ingredients at home :D eggs and chicken NOMNOMNOM~

food aside, i don’t like my seat in class at all ): it’s smacked right in the middle of the big classroom and i hate being in the middle. i want my own corner ): i’ve got no motivation to stay in class at all. but whatever. other than tues and fridays i don’t really have to be in school other than signing in and out at 9 and 5 everyday. but bp and i are helping each other to sign in and out :) so we take turns to go to school :) buying food’s the only motivation for me to go to school :S

mom’s out of singapore again. this time’s to hongkong i think? she didn’t even tell me where she went.
whatever.
stayed in bed the entire day today :S
don’t feel too well… gahh.

i know.. sucks balls but i’m so lazy ):

anyway i have to do this (I KNOW ITS THE HOLIDAYS BUT) because someone (whom i walked out of his class) feels that i have a bad attitude and am insincere in the course.
so to show my sincerity i have to do some work.

I HOPE THIS CRAP WORK ISN”T GONNA PROVE THEM RIGHT :/ at least i did something right? *PUPPY EYES*

but what to do………… urgh.

dolce & gabbana inspiration video:

i feel like a pampered spoilt brat :/

so just now mom kept asking me to go shopping when i locked myself in my room crying. she’s been outside my door trying to console me, encourage me. she still has so much confidence in me despite me letting her down again and again..
after calming down i washed up and we went out
she just bought whatever i fancied without looking at the price tag. when i was browsing she just asked if i wanted it and it’s mine.
and she kept saying i’m her lucky star like when we were able to get a carpark lot easily near the lift despite the crowd (but i know she’s just trying to console me and trying to make me feel important so i won’t attempt suicide) i hate it when she says that because at times when we can’t find a lot I FEEL LIKE A FRIGGIN UNLUCKY JINX ):
i know she’s trying to console me but deep down inside i still hate myself.
so she bought me stuff trying to cheer me up
but there’s like nothing much i fancy anyway. the whole day at taka/wisma i just bought items from miss selfridge and GUESS?
in the end i wanted to go home because i can’t think of anywhere else we can shop at anymore after combing the entire orchard in 3 separate trips. she kept suggesting places to go like i haven’t shopped enough? but i don’t know what i want to buy either :S
then we ended up at marks & spencer and carrefour
bought lotsa yummies (: i think grocery shopping’s the best retail therapy ever. $100 spent on grocery cheered me up more than spending $300 at GUESS?

then we went to fetch my dad from work.

and i just found out that all along my dad knew about my bad behavior in school.. (LIKE LEAVING THE CLASS EARLIER THAN DISMISSAL TIME) like most recently one lecturer complained about my bad behavior to someone and that someone told my dad about it.. so he knew about it yet he didn’t mention a thing to me.. he didn’t lecture me nor question me.. he kept quiet about it until today when he saw how depressed i was.. but he just told me to stay calm and not throw my “MISSY TEMPER” in school unlike at home when i can do whatever pleases me. (LIKE OMG HE ACTUALLY SAID THATTTTTTTTTTTT but he didn’t ask me not to throw temper at home LOL)
i feel like a fool. he knew about my bad behavior all along and he just didn’t mention. like he has spies. (omg?)

i think i have the best parents ever. they don’t lecture me and they’ve never punished me. the first person who’s ever beaten me WAS MY PRIMARY SCHOOL CHINESE TEACHER I WILL REMEMBER HER FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! she used a ruler to hit my hand like omg??? old school but yeah i think its kinda ILLEGAL for teachers to do that now? hah.
growing up like that, protected and people always giving in to me, i can’t adapt well to situations when people oppose me. that’s why i get so frustrated and defensive.
i don’t expect people to give in to me anyway because nobody owes me anything. its just that i get frustrated so just leave me alone?????????????

rahhhhhhhh

lili’s so cute here!

and i look so short there LOL

tagged by junhao in facebook (:

and i think the last picture was me scolding haidar for constantly taking pictures LOL (haha wasn’t really scolding lah just ranting :P was sooo nervous and couldn’t think straight!)

i think i might have lost a kilo or two, by just rushing work at the last minute throughout the weekend.
and however heavy my eyelids, they can’t be any heavier than my eye bags.

(how many times have i yawned already….?????????)

here’s the amateurish crap that i did throughout the weekend (yeah the one i was doing in my nest)

i’m just disappointed that i didn’t spend much thoughts on it. and the fact that i can’t be bothered to use other materials but plain old vanguard sheets (i’m cheapo and lazy okay fine)

and guess how many tubes of UHU glue i’ve used on it!
4 friggin tubes. (i can’t believe it either.) so it totals up to $16 purely on glue.

hey glue sniffers, you should just quit and pass me some of your glue yo.

where i wore so sloppyishly to,
where we were so bored,
where we wandered around and ended up sitting at this bench while waiting for everyone to be done,
where we were eyeing on those boxes of FOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDD,
and where we camwhored:

the day,
started off badly with horrible attitude from the maid,
random cold war with my mom in the car to and fro,
received warning letter regarding attendance,
fucked up attitude from maid back home,
ate 5 freaking rice dumplings without even realizing it wasn’t real chicken filling i ate, but vegetarian filling (it tastes so damn REAL!),
okay that was really random LOL
but the day ended with a smile despite all that crap
because…
my dad opened his bag and gave me a bag of kit kat! (from his colleague TO ME!!!!!)
she said because i’m very skinny.
and that made my dad laugh while he said it.
how very cute.
AND KIT KAT WAS NICE (:

from junhao =D

me sleeping in my favorite mr ng’s class! LOL
tagged by lili in facebook!

gosh time flies

well we were bored during martin’s class!
plus the new photobooth effects amuses us. (:

happy memories with SID0801 (:

(credits to lili for the pic!)

will upload more when i’m free!
meanwhile, facebook has some more too!

how can we resist taking photos (:

i <\3 balsa wood.

1. they are expensive
2. they are long and pokey, i accidentally poked this girl while getting up the bus and she diao-ed me from the beginning of the journey till she got down.
3. i hate to touch them. wood feels gross.
4. i’ve got holes (cuts) on my fingers due to violent chopping of wood.
5. i am not a construction worker. i do not want to be building this #

i took 2 hours to finish this piece of crap.

i didn’t even bother planning what structure i’d end up with :/ just built as i went along.

school’s a chore.
i need a break ):

here’s sleepyhead me and dar dar during sleeping class ergonomics

(yeah i know i look like shit)

my attendance for design history is very much screwed up.
):

because i was so so slack.

monday was a holiday
tuesday one lesson was cancelled because my lecturer was on leave (yay to going home early!)
wednesdays are already my favorite day of the week and this week was even better because the excursion made it feel like we weren’t having lessons :D
thursday i ran off after handing in my work so yay to going home early! plus the best part’s that my mom was free on that day and she fetched me to school and back home! double yayness.
friday my mom sent me home after school too so yay yay yay!
its so rare that she’d be free to send me home after school so this week’s my lucky week!
but well.. good things don’t last forever.. next week’s gonna be a hectic week ):
god bless me.

i felt really really bad.. due to my poor memory, i got mixed up with the buses that go to m.sultan rd.. instead, we hopped onto the bus that leads to zouk. -headbang-
in the end we were late for class.. despite having to grab a cab down..

i still feel really.. really.. awful… ):

anyways. we had an outing to stpi for color studies class. omg i wish our classes were all outdoor. so damn slack.
this picture was taken while ms diao-people-monotonous-abc-slang-speaking woman was giving a tour (a.k.a long boring speech about yaddayaddayadda)

handsome haidar and i
he’s always full of smiles, i call him everyone’s friend

randomsss

things i like about school/going to school

-most lecturers here are nicer than any other lecturers who’ve taught me in the previous tertiary schools i’ve been to
-my dad’s around to help me ’store’ my huge projects in his office that i’m lazy to bring home
-most morning days my mom sends me to school (if she’s in sg), so i like going to school for that. sometimes she holds my hand while she drives, as though she knows i’m going to die soon

things i dislike about going to school

-the freezing aircon temperature which makes it unbearable to sit through the entire lesson. (makes me chant chant chant wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home)
-when my mom isn’t free/around to send me to school, i friggin dread walking to take a bus to school. and the friggin waiting time is so friggin long.
i hate walking the same few routes to/fro. fyi i already tried the different routes possible and i’m getting so sick and tired fucking shit.
-and i HATE it soooo sooooo much more waiting for the bus to get home. bloodyhell.

things that would make me go to school more:

-timetable with shorter days
-aircon temperature turned up (eco-friendly, conserve electricity and keep warm!)
-an apartment just across school
-or my mom to send me to school and back home everyday (dream on.)
-or a chauffeur

blah blah blah

school’s been nothing but hectic. dragging myself outta bed everyday, going to school just only to countdown to go home.
out of 16 exercises from studio project class, i’ve barely completed 8.
looking at how diligent my mates were at doing those researches made me feel nothing but inferior and lazy.
i hate doing researches and having to print..
when my lecturer larry checked my file, he blatantly asked if i was going to give up again.. i was.. speechless.
the other lecturer shaun added : why melissa! you got so much potential why give up!
speechless again.
giving up is never an easy choice..
i do NOT want to give up…
especially here..
plus having my family rooting for me, encouraging me, WATCHING me (dad)..

okay enough of the ramblings
here’re some pics from our color studies outdoor studio

spot me :D

that’s my favourite hoodie from zara last winter season ): its so old now! i wish they still retail it.. i’d sooooo get it in every color available. its so damn comfy ):

i’ve been nothing but unproductive and lazy these coupla weeks.
i ought to snap out of dreamland and get myself working on the assignments that are piling up… ):

p.s if anyone’s damn free, can help me do my research assignment!

mann i’m itching for a buffet already.
i will just lose weight if i don’t eat a shitload a day, so please feed me more! buy me moremore food :D

so here’re my adorable classmates in hoodies (:

love chillin at the staff lounge! and i’ve got new company, chee kian (:
well minus the lunch-hour crowd though. middle-aged men making helluva noise playing games. not a very common scene, well for me at least.

skipped the last lesson on friday again.. damn i hated myself for doing that.. ended up sulking for the rest of the time at home. and spent even more money on food.

what am i to do with myself..
what am i to do..
sigh.

so vacation’s over..
all i’ve done was spend $50 a day on food.. not good..

back to school.. feeling zoned out.. totally disconnected.

moody..
moody..
moody..
moody..
moody..
moody..
moody..
moody..
moody..
moody..

well at least there’s my nasi bryani to look forward to..
(she still recognises me even after 2 weeks vacation!)

how can colours so beautiful, be tarnished in the hands of two negligent and irresponsible people..

i was utterly disgusted.. beyond words.
how is it possible that they would even find it passable to hand in such a hideous piece of thing..
i couldn’t even stand the mere sight of it.. not even one second..

i wished they could respect themselves enough to show that at least they could do SOMETHING right..
not to even mention.. respect the beauty of colours..

can i say utter disgust..

the upcoming 2 weeks vacation is gonna fly pass.. i just know it.
a part of me look forward to it so badly.. mainly because i’m extremely exhausted and drained.. and need a break..
yet another part of me is apprehensive about what i’m gonna put myself through.
what’s gonna happen..
what’s gonna happen..

i don’t know what to do with myself anymore..
or rather, i have no self-control to even do something right for myself for once..
i can’t help emphasizing how much i hate myself..
i really do.. i really do..

ever so fickle-minded, so indecisive, so rash, so hysterical, so self-absorbed.

isolating myself is never a solution..
but i guess that’s where i find comfort in……

stoner.

what an unproductive week.
its by far the worst week ever since school started.
haven’t done a single assignment in the week, procrastinating and procrastinating..
just because there aint no deadline in the week doesn’t mean i should let everything pile up. now the coming week’s gonna be fatal. i have shittones of work piling up.
idling around, stressing myself up, eating and watching tv. all these ain’t gonna help me get my assignments done god dammit.
and i even skipped class on friday to go for suki sushi’s buffet.
ohohohomg sharlene’s damn spontaneous. i asked her like the super last minute in the morning if she wanted to go cus i saw her tag, and she really turned up! i thought i was gonna buffet alone again. really enjoyed the company :D

temper-wise, horrible.
been far more irritable, been losing it way too often.
i’m horrible horrible horrible and everyone should just stay away, lest my temper chase you away.

i hate myself for being such a brat, having my family give in to me all the time.
i’m so spoilt and i just let myself sink in further.
i hate not being able to control my emotions and pique.
i hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself

i can’t believe i spent the night raping the kitchen.
a tub of ice cream, 3 cans of creamy soup, almost an entire loaf of bread.
the tv, my couch and my food - my coping mechanism.
i was feeling so stressed up about school i just couldn’t get to sleep.
so after i was done with combing the entire kitchen, i slept at 4ish, had to wake up at 7ish to prepare for school.
i was so darn sleepy during drawing class i kept dozing off.
i wonder why its so darn easy to doze off in class while its so darn hard to fall asleep at night.
i’m so bloody screwed up.

sigh..

what am i to do without you

best birthday gifts for this year.
i love my new flash action sampler <3
i finally own an underwater casing for my fisheye!!!!!

yay to my love for anything photog.

what i'm aiming to get: polaroid and pop9

i melt at the sight of cameras.
did i mention a classmate did a camera form for model-making class? <3
so damn seductive.

in case you were wondering what i made,

what a hectic week.
i almost gave in to the devil again today.
i hate myself for being so weak. so undetermined. so unmotivated.
coughed a teeny weensy bit of blood today during break.. but didnt mention to anyone about it, just kept whining about not feeling too good and wanting to go home
(though its really pretty common to hear me whining about going home)

ohhhh the muslim store lady recognises me, cus i buy nasi bryani from them everyday! she knows how i like my nasi bryani to be drenched in lots and lots of curry and i don’t even have to tell her what i want anymore :D

i love nasi bryani!

anyway i bought food from an illegal vendor for the first time today. couldn’t resist otahs (i’ve been having them almost everyday)
but her otahs taste weird.
never again.
shall continue patronizing the store near my place.
that auntie recognises me too :X
cus i always wipe out her spring rolls and carrot cakes, and occasionally curry puffs.
she doesnt even have to ask me how many spring rolls/carrot cakes i want anymore. she just takes everything she has left for me :D

yay for vesak day.
long weekend break, hopefully its enough to get me recharged.
i’m totally drained.

pictures from my classmate rainbow mimi wenqi’s camera xD

this class is soooooooo damn hyper, totally kick-ass rocks.

and i’m so touched by the birthday card they signed.. damn damn sweettttttttttttttttttttttt

there goes another week of school..
why is it so goddamn hard to fight the urge to skip school.
this week’s been exceptionally hard.. but pulled through.. barely made it tho.

so i had my monday blues

tuesday was a breeze

wednesdays with larry’s, dreadful. especially the fact that he never ends on time. ever.

thursday was a tough fight.. i almost gave in to that devil in my head..
but thank god i made it to class..

and finally, i had the most horrible friday ever, so far.
i dreaded every single minute of the day.

i shrink from the thought of charcoal application. god dammit. nasty…
then on to the long breaks, with every single free minute, all that i have in mind was the contemplation of going home.
then to communication skills, which needs no elaboration on what a bore that subject is.
cept that twas a lil different today, cus we had a test, which totally sucked for me.

all i ever look forward to everyday was to go home after school and sink into my couch, stuffing my silly face with all the food that i bought home, and my tubs of ice cream.

i am still not sick of springrolls, carrot cake and curry puffs.
in addition, i’ve been having nasi lemak, nasi bryani and otahs.

almost everyday is antarctica day.
used to be the inability to wake up for school. now the coldness puts me off more than anything.

this was what i wore few days ago (don’t mind the messy laundry my maid left around)

even two jackets wouldn’t suffice.

i was still so friggin cold.
i need to purchase winter-wear already.

but its funny how i’m so intimidated by the cold yet i still love ice cream so so much.

i bought a box of ice cream from that old uncle outside st gabs for $5.50! (haven’t seen him for 2 days already….. thursday due to rain, friday due to st gab’s early dismissal so he left early as well)

didnt come with a tub so i used an old tub.
he gave me lotsa free waffle biscuits!!! so nice of him :D

been stuffing my fat face with ice cream everyday without fail.

i miss ice cream uncle! i always look forward to buying from him everyday after school.

and now i’ve been loving springrolls so much i have to have them everyday! omgomgomgomgogmogmogmg

haven’t been able to concentrate in school the entire day…
i really really hope its just the monday blues……
all that was on my mind was ‘i wanna go home.. i wanna go home..’

but on a side note, i found 2 stalls in school selling springrolls for sgd0.60-sgd0.70 :)
one new item on my tabao list.
the sgd0.40 curry puff from the muslim stall sucked.

mcflurry is so expensive ):
to satisfy barely half my craving, i need at least $18 worth of mcflurry.
fuck it.

i’m spending all my money on food.
i barely have any money for anything else.
fuck it x2.

what i look forward to most everyday

ever since school started, i have:

-been having more conversations. (seems especially weird to my parents probably, because i never spoke much at all, for a long time.)
-not been watching much television
-had lesser time spent indulging in my tubs and tubs of ice cream (i only have my evenings-nights, weekends, and some mornings)
-been spending even more money on takeaways
-been a loyal patron of the currypuff store at amk hub
-and the goreng pisang store
-developed muscles from carrying my school bag/ laptop
-smiled more (not because i’m happy though.. but just to be friendly)

i still feel pressured about school.. whether history’s gunna repeat.. whether i’d be able to wake up for school.. whether i’d be lazy to do assignments..

i fear so so much.. being a disappointment again and again..

i still fear being judged…. i still wanna hide myself away from people whenever possible..

i don’t hate being ugly.. i just hate having people look at me.. at my ugliness.

taken by my group mate junhao

oh gawd i’m so sleep-deprived.

and my legs are all wobbly from the mini expedition.

so mahjulahh singapura it is.

cityhall was the starting point.

and…
we just had to pass by kate spade.

i’ve been meaning to splurge on this particular bag but i just couldn’t bring myself to.
imagine how tubs of ice cream i could buy with that money.
(and i can’t believe i’m prioritizing ice cream over the bag i sooo adore.)
i soo need a wake up call and stop obsessing over my daily dose of ice cream.

so we went back and continued our mini expedition at night.
(so now you can see where the wobbly legs are coming from)

i dislike digital night photography.
i dislike high ISO on screen.

oh yah. urm.
i got introduced to a more convenient store selling goreng pisangs.
so guess what.
imma buy them every other day :P
sooo..sooo.. goooooooddddd…
and the curry puffs are so damn good.

in case you’re interested, its at ang mo kio hub, outside ntuc fairprice or the home-fix diy shop or gnc. yeap.
one goreng pisang costs $1. the curry puffs cost from $1.10 to $1.40 depending on the fillings.
both are different stores but pretty prominent.

and its funny how 3 bananas weren’t much of an aid to my constipation.
blah.
(i bought 4 but 1 got stolen. now, do you see fumes?)

hmm and i’ve been speaking more.. so i guess its a good thing for me..
my mom worries too much about me not communicating with others. why why.

i’m forever halfway done.
someone please put a gun at my head and scream at me to do work.

i’m down with flu..
finished the last 2 capsules of lemsip max..
zero energy to go out to buy more

who eats ice cream when down with flu?
i do.
freezing yet going through tubs of ice cream everyday.
its a bad addiction.
i should concentrate on getting well first.. but.. ice cream makes me feel better.. mentally. lol.
oh and i’ve been trying soooo many different kinds of flavours these months and i even dreamt of having my own ice cream shop. lmao.
what an obsession.

and on a side note, i wiped out the entire neighborhood’s supply of cookies and cream ice cream already. ntuc, shop & save, out of stock. damn.
and they take soo long to re-stock.
its my current favorite.
but anyhows i bought some oreos and vanilla ice cream so i could just make do with a little more hassle and less satisfaction.

oh, and my new year red packets money’s almost wiped out too.
on what you may guess
on food. duh.
i dont even go out shopping for clothes and stuff anymore. all i ever spend on is food.
i wish i didnt have such a hearty appetite. (aka greedy.)

i am almost broke fyi. but that might be a good thing, health-wise.

when i cant decide what i want to eat, i buy everything i feel like having.
and then, i hate wasting food.
so everything ends up in my pregnant belly.

i hate that big pregnant belly so much i refuse to go out and show off that pregnant belly.

i hide at home and end up eating more and the pregnant belly grows bigger each day. lol
but ice cream sorta helps my constipation so i am not too upset.

i feel nothing but ugly so i refuse to go out and scare people how ugly i am (or have become)

its been a year since metal-teeth. ortho says i’m in the final finishing stage so i guess it won’t take thatttt long before they come off.
least i wont feel as ugly.

braces might be the first cause for me feeling hideous.
but its not the only reason.. so..
no goodbye to ugly days still.. until i have plastic surgery done that is..

anyway, i’ll be back in polytechnic in april.
i dont know if its gonna be a good thing because i’ll be having a bigger pressure to do well and not disappoint my dad.. i dont want to throw his face away infront of his colleagues either..

i worry too much.