melicacy

i feel like a pampered spoilt brat :/

so just now mom kept asking me to go shopping when i locked myself in my room crying. she’s been outside my door trying to console me, encourage me. she still has so much confidence in me despite me letting her down again and again..
after calming down i washed up and we went out
she just bought whatever i fancied without looking at the price tag. when i was browsing she just asked if i wanted it and it’s mine.
and she kept saying i’m her lucky star like when we were able to get a carpark lot easily near the lift despite the crowd (but i know she’s just trying to console me and trying to make me feel important so i won’t attempt suicide) i hate it when she says that because at times when we can’t find a lot I FEEL LIKE A FRIGGIN UNLUCKY JINX ):
i know she’s trying to console me but deep down inside i still hate myself.
so she bought me stuff trying to cheer me up
but there’s like nothing much i fancy anyway. the whole day at taka/wisma i just bought items from miss selfridge and GUESS?
in the end i wanted to go home because i can’t think of anywhere else we can shop at anymore after combing the entire orchard in 3 separate trips. she kept suggesting places to go like i haven’t shopped enough? but i don’t know what i want to buy either :S
then we ended up at marks & spencer and carrefour
bought lotsa yummies (: i think grocery shopping’s the best retail therapy ever. $100 spent on grocery cheered me up more than spending $300 at GUESS?

then we went to fetch my dad from work.

and i just found out that all along my dad knew about my bad behavior in school.. (LIKE LEAVING THE CLASS EARLIER THAN DISMISSAL TIME) like most recently one lecturer complained about my bad behavior to someone and that someone told my dad about it.. so he knew about it yet he didn’t mention a thing to me.. he didn’t lecture me nor question me.. he kept quiet about it until today when he saw how depressed i was.. but he just told me to stay calm and not throw my “MISSY TEMPER” in school unlike at home when i can do whatever pleases me. (LIKE OMG HE ACTUALLY SAID THATTTTTTTTTTTT but he didn’t ask me not to throw temper at home LOL)
i feel like a fool. he knew about my bad behavior all along and he just didn’t mention. like he has spies. (omg?)

i think i have the best parents ever. they don’t lecture me and they’ve never punished me. the first person who’s ever beaten me WAS MY PRIMARY SCHOOL CHINESE TEACHER I WILL REMEMBER HER FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! she used a ruler to hit my hand like omg??? old school but yeah i think its kinda ILLEGAL for teachers to do that now? hah.
growing up like that, protected and people always giving in to me, i can’t adapt well to situations when people oppose me. that’s why i get so frustrated and defensive.
i don’t expect people to give in to me anyway because nobody owes me anything. its just that i get frustrated so just leave me alone?????????????

rahhhhhhhh