my laptop’s super dusty!

anyways i’ve injured my toe
so here’s the story
i was cutting stuff on the floor with the penknife and used too much force and in goes the penknife into my toe :S
i was like super freaked out and limped to the other side of the living room with blood dripping and flesh hanging :S :S :S i didn’t know it was that bad till i saw how my toe was split open and detached.
i grabbed tissues and pressed my toe to close the gap and then i didn’t dare let go anymore lest the toe splits open again :..(
i was super freaked out and scared and then i laid on the sofa from 2am till 5-ish? didn’t dare move i was just hoping it’ll get better and by pressing i was hoping it’d stop bleeding
5-ish i went up to shower (i bandaged the tissues with plaster so i don’t have to hold onto my toe)
after showering i wanted to change the tissue and i freaked out even more when i saw so much blood and part of that toe’s still detached. how silly of me to think that the toe would go back by itself -_-” i couldn’t think straight anyway i was so freaked out right
my maid saw the traces of blood in the living room then she heard me crying i think then she asked “are you cutting your hand again?”
omgz okay so now i’m this suicidal problem kid in her eyes.
okay then i just told her i injured my toe then she kinda helped advise me a bit (so she ain’t that bad afterall..)
she said if its still bleeding at 7 i should see a doctor
so i went to bed first (still holding my toe)
then i posted on facebook asking for advice
aiman’s superrrrrr nice! he called me immediately!
okay so after all the scary infection warning and amputation warning i freaked out even more!
i fell asleep for like 2 hours before my mom came into the room
my maid told her about my cut so my mom’s taking me to the doctor (she wanted to see the wound but i was freaking out i didn’t dare let go of the tissue lest my toe opens up again OMGz)
okay so i limped all the way to the clinic
(my mom’s supposed to be at work but she called to make arrangement to go later :/)
okay then at the clinic i was given priority to jump queue
the doctor seems like she’s all flustered cos i was like so freaked out.. lol
then my mom was hugging me and comforting me and saying prayers like (god will take away your pain or something and all that) while doc’s doing my wound
had 5 stiches
they’re like “you’re very brave blablabla” BUT HELLO???? WHAT CAN I DO RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was crying in pain but i can’t ask them to stop right duhhhh
so my toe’s nicely bandaged

but it still bleeds at times

okay so 2 days later (just now) i went back for a follow-up. my dad brought me cos my mom’s gone to malaysia
and doc says my wound isn’t healing as well as she expected and i have to go a&e
she said i might have to cut the existing stitches and re-stitch (AND I BLOODY FREAKED OUT OKAY OMG that sounded so damn scary and i was like SUPERDUPER FREAKED.)
so she wrote a letter for the hospital and off i go to tan tock seng hospital.
paid $90 and waited 2 hours for consultation
and then they just brushed me off and say they can’t do anything for now because its not time to remove the stitches and then just cleaned up and re-bandaged my wound and ask me to go for a follow up in 3 days time.

mostly from school canteen hence the cheaper price! stalls outside are such rip-offs!

normal rice dish stall

vegetarian rice dish stall (mock meat tastes surprisingly good! never eaten mock meat before so pardon my hype)

malay rice dish stall

my favorite stall’s still the malay :D i’m their super regular customer! 2 of them recognize me (1 of them from year 1!) :D plus they’re not stingy on gravy unlike the chinese stall. i’m boycotting the chinese stall whenever possible. unless i crave for something there then ohwells.

been so many years since i had froot loops :P felt like a kid again!
so sweet but sooo divine!
warning: do not consume at night, causes hyper-activeness & insomnia due to high sugar content!

i’m soo addicted to nasi lemak, that’s my only motivation to go to school in the mornings! (the stall only sells nasi lemak in the mornings)
i usually just buy the nasi lemak rice with chilli at the side and fry my own ingredients at home :D eggs and chicken NOMNOMNOM~

food aside, i don’t like my seat in class at all ): it’s smacked right in the middle of the big classroom and i hate being in the middle. i want my own corner ): i’ve got no motivation to stay in class at all. but whatever. other than tues and fridays i don’t really have to be in school other than signing in and out at 9 and 5 everyday. but bp and i are helping each other to sign in and out :) so we take turns to go to school :) buying food’s the only motivation for me to go to school :S

mom’s out of singapore again. this time’s to hongkong i think? she didn’t even tell me where she went.
whatever.
stayed in bed the entire day today :S
don’t feel too well… gahh.

been wanting to buy KFC since the first day of internship because there’s this quaint little KFC outlet opposite, beside the hawker that i go to everyday.
today’s the last day of internship (omg i know right time flies!)
and i still haven’t had any KFC omg should i buy but i spent so much today already i don’t deserve to spend anymore on fast food omg thinkthinkthink

i went to ikea & cold storage just now :D
wanted to buy Bastis (a blackie cat furry friend) but i was gonna go to cold storage after ikea so i didn’t wanna carry Bastis everywhere.
i’m so gonna miss ikea after leaving this town, doubt i’d ever step foot in queenstown in the near future
i’m gonna miss all the hawker food & vendors

can’t wait to feast!!!!!!! can’t stop thinking about food already :D

i <3 fried noodles!
anyone has recipes to share?

love trying out different marinates, this way i can never get sick of chicken! <3 and i love potatoes sosososomuch <3

i <3 to cook many different flavored packets of instant noodles in a huge pot and nomnomnom the night away! super comfort food to the max! i cook the noodles till they’re reallllllllllyyyyy soft and soggy and drain the starchy water and add clean water again to boil and add the seasonings!

with the iphone i shall tweet more and post more pictorial updates!

my dad’s been buying birthday cakes every single year from bengawan solo EVER SINCE I WAS BORN its like a tradition already
i get it, its probably the “branded” cake shop in his era but after so many years obviously much better brands have been established and bengawan solo still remains as it was. i’m so sick and tired of bengawan solo birthday cakes they don’t even bother inventing new flavors its still the same old few. every year i get pissed off when they ask what cake i want because there isn’t much to choose from. and i HATE black forest cake, from anywhere/any shop. okay maybe i don’t hate it because i still love chocolate and whipped cream but i hate the combination of jam and cake.
next year i’m gonna be pissed off again because its still going to be bengawan solo I”M VERY CERTAIN ABOUT THIS. this is one reason why i hate birthdays. i even told my dad NOT to get me any cake yesterday when he asked what cake i wanted and i told him how sick and tired i am of their cakes. and that i hated black forest cakes.
BUT GUESS WHAT
HE STILL WENT TO BENGAWAN SOLO
but instead of the same few flavors he bought a “new” flavor that we haven’t tried before
-_-”

i just told him i didn’t want to cut the cake this year.

its mango and its not bad but i’d rather a cake from some place else. even a cheap cake from a neighborhood bakery like a normal chocolate sponge cake with tonnes of whipped cream would suffice.
i love cakes sooooo much i’m easily satisfied.
I JUST DON”T LIKE IT WHEN THEY CAN”T BE BOTHERED TO FIND OUT WHAT I REALLY LIKE AND THEN ASSUME THAT BENGAWAN SOLO IS THE BEST PLACE TO GET BIRTHDAY CAKES.

why can’t he just find out what i really want.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
I HATE BENGAWAN SOLO BIRTHDAY CAKES.
every single year they just have to piss me off during my birthday.

maybe that’s why i’m so full of hatred. because every single year during my birthday I”M FULL OF HATRED.

anyhows, i finished the entire cake at one go. idk if its due to my emotional eating or simply because i don’t want to be reminded of it and my birthday anymore

tried MARS BAR for the first time in my life. just felt like grabbing sth from 7-11 so i picked it up.

the ban mee that has the same texture as maggie mee

i asked my dad to buy me a double quarter pounder meal but he came with double cheese burger meal and claimed that nyp doesn’t have quarter pounder in their menu yet ): but o wells i like my good ol’ double cheese burger still :)

fried additional french fries <3

and the only “flavored donuts” i like are chocolate coated ones.
I LOVE DONUTS!!!!!!

my first birthday present (:
loveeee it! <3
but most of all i really appreciate the thought of wanting to get me something.. so touched (:

her cheerfulness is contagious!
and even if i’m in the worse mood i’d always make sure i try my best not to affect her because i can’t afford to make her lose that smile (:

i think this friendship is the best birthday present already (: (:

1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour

the colleagues at other departments are sooo much nicer ):
everywhere else is better than where i am right now.

1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour 1 more hour

i’m a pretty fast worker, whoever’s worked with me know i always get my stuff done quickly and over with.
now i’m taking my own bloody sweet time on purpose because whatever you’re paying us its been made full use of TOTALLY. and i don’t want to finish it early and you’ll think i’m idling because i have nothing to do and then pile on more work.
thank god its finally friday really.

on a lighter note, yesterday evening was spent slacking at a cozy area on another level (privileges of getting assigned to measure other levels, we can “disappear” and still be thought of as doing work :D)
that secret spot had a cozy couch and comfy huge pillow and peace and silence, away from the dreadful level 3 that we’re on :)

I”M GOING TO BE AS SLACK AS I CAN POSSIBLY BE.

7 more weeks.

woahhhh my first salary in… YEARS!
its a pathetic amount but whatever the pay is money is never enough anyway. LOL even if i get 5k its still never enough. so whatever amount doesnt matter.
just wana get this internship done and over with! (AND NEVER WANNA WORK IN THE NEAR FUTURE LIKE GIVE ME 5 YEARS TO RECOVER FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!)

2 more friggin months!!!!!
CAN”T WAIT.

the only stuffs that’re keeping me going: lili & FOOD!
other than that i can’t wait to get outta this hell

ice cream maker

a new large fridge! :D Current one’s rotting.

rice/porridge cooker

deep fryer!
i always get burnt by oil splatters when i deep fry stuff in pans/woks ):

hand blender

garlic press

my own food processor to pulse flour & butter mixture into crumbly texture for making pastries <3

grill’d be nice :D

because i’m lazy to boil water just to steam something :X

omg so adorable!

lotsa chawanmushi! <3
omg i’m sooooo dying to go to a buffet!
shall celebrate when the internship’s over :D

the first outing after the internship is gonna be OUT IN THE NATURE
i’m gonna ask my mom to buy me new lens if i survive this internship.

and i’m not getting her anything for mothers day because she’s a horrible mother to me.
i won’t expect her to get me a birthday present either. since she buys me whatever i want even if there’s no occasion. just that i can’t ask for shitload of money for plastic surgery or stuff like that. my birthdays never did matter to her at all. o’wells.

white chocolate with coconut flakes
omg heavenlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

i’m wearing 2 thick layers now and i’m still cold ):

brought my sheepy to work today but ain’t helping much with the cold ):

i just want today to be over like NOWWWWWWW
AND FRIDAY TO COME ):

i cried this morning before work when my mom TRIED to encourage/console me. (but failed of course, knowing the pessimist in me)
and i’m trying so hard to keep my tears in right now as i’m typing this ):
i hate being in this “outside world” where i have to consider the feelings of others and have people bossing me around. this internship’s making me abhor working life so much i’m scared shit to ever start working when i’m older.
and makes me feel like cooping myself at home even more on off-days, just to avoid facing the “outside world”
the only time i like going out is during breaks when we go out to buy food.

my mom tried consoling me saying that i don’t have to start work so quickly after schooling but i can’t avoid it forever???????? i’ll turn 30 soon ):
maybe when the time comes when i have to start work i’ll just commit suicide.

i’m super cynical & suicidal right now ):
i have tears on my sheepy.
hate being a crybaby but how does one control tears???? i really need to master that. i cry too easily ):

kept hurting myself when using the measuring tape

“scolded” by someone in charge of checking our work because i produced incomplete and slipshod work

black faces in the office esp from the boss (i’m sensing some hostility)

back at home,
burnt by oil splatters when frying chicken (again) second time in 2 weeks ):<

another weird ulcer under my tongue (2nd time this week)
it’s not the usual white-ish ulcer but its blood-ish. the previous one was in a bubble which i burst (LOTSA BLOOD) this time round its kinda flat but super uncomfortable and ain’t burstable (I TRIED) so it’s still here -_-”

when bad things happen they keep happening ):<

counting down again.
thank god its finally friday. but i don’t want monday to come ):

sigh why does labor day have to fall on a saturday ):

hokkien mee uncle’s closed thurs and fri, which means no hokkien for 4 days ):

bought wanton mee just now and aunty’s being super stingy about giving me more soup (LIKE WTF I”M NEVER PATRONIZING YOU EVER AGAIN)

but i have a bad habit of deleting whatever i type so i’ve just deleted a whole page of rants here because i figure i don’t need the whole world to read about my pointless rants.

i can go on and on but i’ll just keep deleting them so..

fuck it this is a totally pointless post.

i’m just moody and angsty and cold and nasty and if my mom talks to me anytime soon i swear i’m gonna have a panic attack.
thank god she’s at the other side of singapore right now. but no thanks to god i’m at work.
i can’t wait for internship to be over. i hate my boss. i hate waking up early. i hate doing shit work.

okay before i delete everything again i’ll just publish this.

and add a picture to this senseless post reflecting my current state.

(update: 1pm)and a 5 min doodle because i didn’t feel like doing the assigned work & i was bored

(update: 3pm)

free fruits!

counting down: 3+ hours to go

(update: 5.30pm)
i’m not looking forward to tomorrow (onwards) because we have to move in to sit with the rest of the colleagues >:(
fucking ruined my mood. i’m gonna hate working even more now.
the aircon inside’s gonna be so much colder and the seats less comfy and with so many eyes watching there’s prolly less opportunity to slack.
(i just woke up from an hour’s nap btw :X)
hownowbrowncow i wanna think of excuses to move back :(((((((((((
i hate my boss i hate my boss i hate my boss.

I HATE BEING POOR.
I HATE BEING IN A POOR FAMILY.
I HATE HAVING POOR PARENTS.

PERIOD.

monday bluesssss ):
counting down to friday once again..

shouting session with mom in the car this morning - bad start to a day ):<
well at least she gave me money automatically - that could appease my anger, well temporarily.
its soo soo hard to get along with anyone because i simply can’t control my emotions and candidness.
i dreamt of having a panic attack last night, i don’t know if its because i’ve been suppressing it, but i’m glad its only a dream.

on a side note, i’ve dreamt of like 4 different people i used to be interested in (BUT its all in the past i don’t like them anymore idk why i dreamt of them) and i dreamt of going to thailand during the chaotic protest and i dreamt that i lost my luggage with all my money & etc and i dreamt of a helpful thai blog reader helping me out
i’ve been having so many dreams lately. i don’t mind having more dreams even if it means bad dreams, because it means i’m sleeping more. i’ve been sleeping on an average of 5-6 hours on every working day and i’m totally deprived. but last weekend i slept 10 and 12 hrs (:

i’m being unusually talkative right now because i’m extremely bored at work (thank god for the internet)
last friday there wasn’t any new projects so i was idling the entire working day :D SUPER SHIOK. and i just got back my re-formatted macbook so i was installing applications and downloading games/icons the entire day :X SHIOKNESS.
but idling is really rare in this company because my miser boss wants to make use of us to the friggin max. so… that should be my fav workday ever

and we went to anchorpoint just now :D
the shoppaholics in us couldn’t resist buying stuff, and so we got ourselves new apparels from fox (:
then bought my usual nom noms & my favorite hokkien mee
i <3 uncle and uncle <3 me! he’s so adorable and he remembers my preferences like $4 w/o sotong and more meat <3

counting down religiously every single day/hour/week
now i’m counting down to 6.30pm and every monday i’ll count down to friday and i just can’t wait for 26 June to come ):
i dislike my miser boss.

bought this little thing @ ikea for only 0.90cents!! :P <3

slacking away as usual (whenever possible)

plus sides about working:
-workplace is like less than 10 mins walk to ikea <3
-awesome classmate attached to the same company :D
-hawker food here’s awesome! some stuff i always buy: curry puffs, mee siam, mee rebus, fried hokkien mee, fried oyster omelette, paus (buns), etc etc i look forward to buying food every single day! <3
-and my mom gives me more money ever since i started working :D

but the down sides… countless.

I TOTALLY HATE TRAFFIC JAMS. on a bad/rainy day, we’d take like an hour to drive back LIKE WTF RIGHT. it’s already far enough and the jam totally makes me hate the location even more.

work’s draining & sucking all that energy in me as i’m counting the days till the end of attachment - 26 June. ):
-counting down to 6.30pm everyday
-hoping that there’ll be no assignment given so i can slack the day away
-going out to buy food to get a break from the stressful environment
-hiding in the toilet & slack when the aircon’s freezing cold

now i’m extremely certain that i’m not ready for working life (and i don’t know when i’ll ever be)
i hate being asked to do work ): especially by colleagues around my age. basically i hate being asked to do stuff -_-” and if its not what they expect i’ve to re-do according to their preferences I”LL BE SUPER PISSEDDDDDDDDDD i guess i’m just too pampered but whatever.
and i hate to abide by the rules (but here its not so bad because there’s no fixed timing for lunch breaks, can go anytime just have to be back in about an hr)

i’m such a slacker ): i can’t relate to majority who’d rather be asked to do work, like they actually complain when they have no work to do -_-”
OMG i’d so rather stone the day away than be piled up with stuff to do ):
but i guess that’s just me

and i don’t like this company because my miser boss makes full use of us cheap labour and makes sure he gets his money well spent. if we finish our work he’d give us more work so we wouldn’t idle. we’re paid a miserable $460 and he still thinks we’re not doing enough to make his money well spent -_-” _|_

but i’m sooooo glad i’m not alone here, i don’t know how i’d survive without my classmate lili around with me!
26 JUNE, PLEASE COME SOONERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i need to just… calmFRIGGINdown.. *breathe in breathe out*
super prone to anxiety attacks nowadays.
partly due to the lack of sleep because i find myself more short-tempered with insufficient sleep.
but mostly because of stress. (or that i get stressed up real easily)

NEED To… CALM… DOWN..

i eat them straight from the packaging because if i pour them in a bowl of milk the milk washes away the sweetness in the cereal. i’d only eat them in milk if i add syrup into the milk :D DAMN DELICIOUS!

hownowbrowncow
5 April - 26 June, time please FLY like a rocket because i want it to be over already ):

the plus side’s that i won’t be joining the company alone, so hopefully things would turn out okay

idk which insect i hate most, can’t decide between ants and lizards but both are irksome.

hate the sneakiness of lizards and their croaks
hate ants because they always come in a fuckin troop.
urghhhhhh i ought to give the bugs some lovin’ because i love the nature but if they’d just get outta my house. GO TO THE WILD. my home’s not your home.

*shiver shiver*
but it wasn’t moving when i was photographing it (thank god) because i had to go really really close (almost touching :P)

my dad spotted it btw!

so yeap, finally got my ass to the singapore botanic gardens :P
past few weeks’ve been raining so plans were cancelled.
was supposed to go to the bird park this week tho, but my dad forgot to collect the free passes so we gave it a miss (:

Suki Sushi Buffet TOTALLY AWESOMEEEEEEEEEE. student price: $22.35 per pax :P BUFFET HOURS ARE 12pm-5.30pm HOW AWESOME IS THAT.
hongwen was late so we started from 1pm :P ate all the way till time’s up! TOTALLY WORTH OUR MONEY :D :D

(i always look sleepy after eating :P hongwen feels sleepy after eating too actually!)

and was pleasantly surprised when they had cakes on the belt!!!!! GRABBED THEM IMMEDIATELY OMG THEY”RE SO DAMN GOOD. cheesecake & coffee cake with chocolate (i ain’t a fan of coffee, in fact i hate coffee, BUT I LOVE CAKES TOO MUCH TO RESIST! plus there’s chocolate :P)

and some of the other stuff we ordered :P
was too busy eating so i mainly took pictures of my fav stuffs that i keep ordering :D :D

didn’t manage to get a pic of my fav RAMEN! and hongwen’s soba (the serving was huge!)
OH and the TAKO YAKI BALLS! my first time eating octopus and it was GOOD! (a tad salty tho!)

i’m not that huge a sushi fan, so i only had egg mayo sushi, tuna mayo, sashimi and unagi(eel)
i hate seaweed tho! i always peel off the seaweed before i eat the sushi :D

omg after uploading the pics i feel like going again.
ANYONEEEEEE???? (but must be able to stay from 12-5pm :P some people “die” after 1 hour.. lousyyyy! :P)

but i’m not
but maybe i need to.

never liked nuts, in fact i’ve always hated nuts

but recently chocolate made it okay for me to eat nuts :)

it’s weird how i’m eating stuff that i used to hate, for example i hated garlic but now i’m cooking garlic chicken. chicken made it okay to eat garlic :P but i have to cook the garlic till it softens or else the crunchiness still makes garlic gross :P

but stuff that i’ve ALWAYS HATED AND STILL HATE:

CELERY AND GINGER
these 2 are my MOST HATED NON-TOUCHABLE stuff!

i know.. sucks balls but i’m so lazy ):

anyway i have to do this (I KNOW ITS THE HOLIDAYS BUT) because someone (whom i walked out of his class) feels that i have a bad attitude and am insincere in the course.
so to show my sincerity i have to do some work.

I HOPE THIS CRAP WORK ISN”T GONNA PROVE THEM RIGHT :/ at least i did something right? *PUPPY EYES*

but what to do………… urgh.

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but i HATE the feeling of disappointment. whether i’m disappointing someone or whether i’m disappointed in something i just hate that friggin word.

the first time my dad had a taste of my ‘panic attack’ i bet i scared him shitless. (there was one day my mom and i had a huge ‘fight’ going on i can’t remember exactly but yeah, so i went home venting my anger in every possible way, screaming and shouting and slamming stuff and i think i self-injured myself that day too) i think it was then he realized how serious my depression was. so i guess he’s been trying to help me with it all these while, forwarding encouraging emails, asking me to go out, reminding me to take things easy all the time. he knows. he knows there’s something wrong with me psychologically but he’d not talk directly about my depression nor push me into ‘recovery’ because once you get into the mental institute you’d definitely be judged a nutcase from then on.
then again i know that it’s a matter of time before i drive myself insane. all he does is try to make me feel better about myself.
i’m thankful for great parents but i can’t help but feel like i’m just a complete wreck.

i’m just ranting because it’s been an emotional week of tears and more tears.
i don’t know why i cry so goddamn easily.

speaking of tears, i’ve watched Marley & Me 6 times and i’ve cried all 6 times especially from the scene where Marley was lying in the clinic, sick, and about to be put to sleep. i can soo empathize with the feelings of his family ):